Tampa Bay Pastor Holds Church During Pandemic, gets Promptly Arrested

A headline that sounds like it was born for Florida. A megachurch pastor held service for up to 500 hundred people on Sunday March 29th, in Tampa Bay Florida. Under normal circumstances this would never lead to an arrest, but these aren’t normal circumstances are they? Florida is in the middle of a “safer at home” order for the county of Hillsborough, which means everyone needs to stay the fuck at home and not gather in the hundreds. Pretty simple instructions right? Well not for this Pastor.

“Howard-Browne, 58, turned himself in Monday afternoon after Sheriff Chad Chronister and State Attorney Andrew Warren on Monday announced an arrest warrant had been issued for charges of unlawful assembly and violating public health emergency rules of isolation and quarantine. Howard-Browne was released 40 minutes later after posting a $500 bond.” Fox 13 Tampa Bay

Five hundred bucks? That’s it? That’s a dollar a person that he endangered. A dollar a person. I’m no doctor but I did watch an episode of Mythbusters about how easy it is to spread germs so I feel confident in saying that almost all the people at that church have a high likely hood of getting sick, if they weren’t already. You’d have to be a real moron to host a party right now. You don’t just fine this guy $500 bucks and send him on his merry way in under 40 minutes. No you send his ass to jail and fine him a couple thousand dollars for every person that gets sick.

Don’t you worry though, Pastor Asshole Browne had a simple solution to make sure the five hundred people that congregated at his church were safe. However, I am quite skeptical of his solution, as everyone should be. Thats because it sounds like magic or something straight out of a shitty sci-fi movie about global pandemics where a 15 year old girl saves the world after she picks between two guys that love her.

“We brought in 13 machines that basically kill every virus in the place,” Howard-Browne said. “If they sneeze it shoots it down like at 100 miles per hour and it will neutralize it in a split second.” Pastor Browne on his youtube channel

Clearly this man has access to technology the rest of the medical world doesn’t. Absolutely wonderful news for anyone that went to his church during a global pandemic. You’re safe! Machines that shoot microscopic virus’s at 100mph will shoot down a sneez